Sometimes it’s the whole story of song that gets me. See “Tom Ames’ Prayer” by Steve Earle on Train a Comin’ (1995).
It's a supreme argument for the existence of God, or not.
If you like Rio Bravo or Deadwood or Lonesome Dove (book or miniseries), you will love the lyrics and delivery of it.
Lyrically, it’s part narrative, part actual prayer. The narrative and prayer of a non-believer and thief whose luck has run out, trapped in an alley in Abilene with all but four shells spent. A non-believer who really doesn’t even know how to pray: You know I ain’t never prayed before but it always seemed to me that if prayin’s the same as beggin’, Lord, I don’t take no charity.
And he calls out God for his own badness: Well it ain't the first close call I ever had, I'm sure you already know, I had some help from you Lord and the devil himself.
The devil and God only existing in opposition to each other and because of each other. His temptation towards evil existing only because of a generic temptation towards good. One he doesn’t possess.
So he prays, like many non-believers do, in his time of need, but he doesn’t ask for anything big: I ain’t asking for a miracle, Lord, just a little bit of luck will do.
And maybe God delivers. The preacher comes to his prison cell. And the preacher, by mistake or divine intervention, turns his back for just one second. And Tom Ames puts a homemade blade to that golden throat.
He doesn’t expect anything from God. You don’t owe me nothin’ and as far as I know, Lord, I don’t owe nothin’ to you.
All the opportunities possibly afforded by God don’t make up for his solitude at the end, though. Who in the hell am I talkin’ to? There ain’t no one here but me. Before he cocks both his pistols and spits in the dirt and walks out to certain death.
A feeling of loneliness even believers must have, praying, sometimes. Even in times of less dire need. Am I just talking to myself? How do I know?
But still. He wasn’t asking for a miracle. And then that preacher came. Who turned his back at just the right time. Just a little bit of luck.
As the prayer goes, it’s been strictly touch and go.