The Inventors
The man who invented spitting,
Archimandrus of Boeotia,
Was otherwise undistinguished,
And tends to be underrated and overlooked
Because of his contemporary, Thespis,
Who invented the drama, and Gogulus,
Who invented existentialism.
This is how it happened.
There was a drought, and everyone
Was too weak even to throw
A stone into the well to hear how
Far below the water was for hoisting, when
Archimandrus, crawling to the well wall
And lifting himself to the ledge,
Spat downward. After two seconds plus change
There was a tinkle, and three minutes
Later, as if on cue, the rains came,
A downpour. All of the Hellenes
Were ecstatic, carrying him on
Their shoulders to the Macropolis
Where they did the first spitting dance.
The more they spat, the more it rained.
Two weeks later, Gorgiolos of Argos
Invented sighing; and most
Experts concur that it was within
The same decade that Eugokrates
Of Komia invented slapping people,
Good and hard, in their stupid
Faces, when they get too smart-alecky
For their own good.
— Jim Dolot