I’m watching the Olympics in Europe right now, and to watch them you’d think America doesn’t exist. Here on the BBC, it’s Great Britain all the way, which means an inordinant amount of attention is paid to posh Brit sports like rowing, etc. It’s a little like watching Chariots of Fire, but without the Jewish people–as we know, they’re all on the swim team. I’ve just watched three straight medal ceremonies with Great Britain at the top of the podium, and I’ve noticed two things. First of all, "God Save the Queen" is an unfairly short song for such a big moment. They would have to play it four or five times through to equal the grandiosity of most other countries’ themes. Second of all, none of the British athletes know the words to their damn anthem either.
I actually do know the words to the first verse–because I’m a total fag for England. But as poets and men of letters, let’s take a closer look at the lyrics, shall we?
God save our gracious Queen
Long live our noble Queen,
God save the Queen:
Send her victorious,
Happy and glorious,
Long to reign over us:
God save the Queen.O Lord, our God, arise,
Scatter thine enemies,
And make them fall:
Confound their politics,
Frustrate their knavish tricks,
On thee our hopes we fix:
God save us all.Thy choicest gifts in store,
On her be pleased to pour;
Long may she reign:
May she defend our laws,
And ever give us cause
To sing with heart and voice
God save the Queen.What an embarrassment of riches! "Knavish tricks?" Does your average American even know what the word "knavish" means? And just what kind of mischief is being perpetrated on Her Majesty? Is the staff short-sheeting the royal bed? Is the roguish Prince Edward freezing her underpants again? Does Prince Philip wait until the monarch is sound asleep in order to draw a Hitler mustache (or worse) on her upper lip with an eyeliner pencil? Clearly, something must be done!