Ode To Matthew Shepard
Once I hit
someone I loved.
It wasn’t
very hard. But
I hit him. I
hit him
in the way you
hit someone
you need
to stop
loving you. I
can still
remember the way
the body looked
when I hit it.
It was ruined
with my knowing
you could hurt
a body and it
still needs
something
more than
your pain.
Narrative is
as corrupt
as the thoughts
of the men who
murdered
you, Matthew.
Explanation never
satisfies. It
always wants
something
like redemption.
* * *
Steve Fellner is the author of Blind Date with Cavafy (Marsh Hawk Press) and All Screwed Up (Benu Press). No Tell Motel first published this poem in May 2008. Steve wrote, "I believe in ghosts, and I hope these poems do not anger Matthew Shepard’s ghost. I do not mean any harm. I want to get at something, and this is the only way I know how."