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Put Up Your Dukes
The last time my father beat me
I was fifteen years old.
After instructing me to “mow the fucking lawn,”
to which I wittily replied, “No fucking way,”
he pinned me against the Chippendale wall
of the library in our new semi-colonial mansion
(Did I mention he was doing quite well since he quit drinking?)
and began working on me like
Sugar Ray Robinson worked on Jake La Motta
but with a distinct difference:
I didn’t fight back.
You don’t hit your father, I thought.
Earlier that year I’d acted the part of Peter Pan.
Capitalizing on my androgynous appearance,
and the deeper knowledge
that all the cute girls were into theater,
I landed my first leading role.
The night before we opened my brother made the mistake
of changing channels on the TV without asking my permission.
I beat him mercilessly.
His cries and screams only made me beat him more
because he simply wanted to see what else was on.
The next night, as one of the Lost Boys, he couldn’t be heard.
I stood in the wings waiting to enter knowing
he would never trust me again. He never has.
So, when Pop began the beating I didn’t fight back
and would never fight back again, at least not
with my hands and teeth, the way I used to.
That’s the way peace begins: one beating at a time.
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As an actor, Michael O'Keefe has garnered both Golden Globe and Academy Award nominations. He's appeared in the films Eye In the Sky, Michael Clayton, Frozen River, The Pledge, Ironweed, Instant Family, The Great Santini, and Caddyshack. Television audiences will recognize him as CIA Agent John Redmond on Homeland and remember him as "Fred" on Roseanne. Other TV appearances also include The West Wing, Blue Bloods, Sleepy Hollow, Law and Order, House M.D., The Closer, Brothers and Sisters, and City on a Hill. He's appeared on Broadway in Reckless, Side Man, The Fifth of July, and Mass Appeal, for which he received a Theater World Award. As a writer, his lyrics were in the Grammy-winning song, “Longing in their Hearts,” which was composed and sung by Bonnie Raitt. He's also written with Irish singer-songwriter Paul Brady and numerous other composers, including Suzzy Roche. His writing has appeared in magazines such as BOMB, Mindful, Lake Affect, and Chaparral. He holds an MFA in Creative Writing from Bennington College. His collection of poems, Swimming from Under My Father, came out in 2009. He has been a Zen practitioner for almost thirty years, and is a Dharma Holder in the Zen Peacemaker Order.
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George Bellows. Dempsey and Firpo, 1924. Oil on canvas. Whitney Museum of American Art.