you smoked blue american spirits
and hid unfinished ones
in between the jutting bricks
of our house
so that the walls smelled tired
you offered me a pull
even though i always said no
it was part of your hospitality
how you welcomed me in
is it kindness if you want me to suffer
the same way you suffer
so that we can have things to talk about
your mother told me she wanted
us to marry
she wanted to wrap me in her old veil
like a doll she’d display in a glass box
my eyelashes dusting over
you slept with a 100 dollar
white noise machine
it made sounds of nothing
you said there was science behind it
it didn’t sound like whales or waves
you said only people who can’t go to the ocean
want to dream of the ocean