________________________________________________________________________________________
Happy Hour with My Mother
“Grown don’t mean nothing to a mother. A child is a child. They get bigger, older, but grown? What’s that supposed to mean?” – Toni Morrison
I knew I was grown when we swapped
virginity stories at the bar. Too sweet
pomegranate martinis against our lips. A neon
sign humming into the wall. Once, you too
made love for the first time. We have both made
terror and other things. Remember- at 16,
you put my hand on the Bible to swear I hadn’t
made love? I’m grown and can confess I’ve made
more. I’ve made fog. Flower fields. Green. I’ve made
honey and slug. I’ve made winter trees. I’ve made
another self within myself. I’ve made ghosts
who would haunt the men who were making
with me. Between the ghosts, I made idols
of love. O golden calf. Right now, the vodka in my blood
is making something against loneliness. I didn’t lie.
It was years until I could make love and when I did,
I made more.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
Ajanaé is a poet, multimedia artist, and theologian. Through poetry, visual art, performance, and audio she explores the politics of faith, grief, and intimate relationships between Black women. As a theologian, she blends criticism, memoir, and theology as autotheory to consider the relationship between Black church history, spirituality, and creation. Her work has appeared in the Academy of American Poets’ Poem-a-Day, The Rumpus, Prairie Schooner, and more. Her solo-exhibition, No One Teaches Us How To Be Daughters, debuted at Urban Arts Space (2024). Her chapbook, Blood-Flex, won the New Delta Review‘s prize. Ajanaé is a co-host of the VS Podcast.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
Felicity O'Connor, Adoration of the Golden Calf (after Poussin).