“Fifteen Poems to Avoid” [by Rebecca Endres]

15 Poems to Avoid

1. The “very punny”
2. The overly enthusiastic— Dickinson!— Fan!
3. The simile that’s as overused as your favorite tee-shirt
4. The cliché that has all the teenagers rolling their eyes moodily
5. The hyperbolic behemoth, the extreme titan of a poem to end all poems, born of Apollo and watched over by Poe’s own raven
6. Speaking of which…anything involving a raven or a blackbird. Crows are iffy at best.
7. The poem that r e l i e s TOO much

on form

to make a point

                                    that could have been

(made)

easily

8. Don’t understate
9. TOO ABSTRACT TO UNDERSTAND
10. O! To attempt to venture thither and evoke the language of previous poets! Muses, be with me as I attempt to elucidate my Reader on the dangerous ignus fatuus of Trying Too Hard!
11. The nonsensical metaphor, a bird in a pair of fishnet stockings
12. The repetition, the repetition, the repetition, the repetition, the repetition, the repetition, the repetition, the repetition, the repetition, the repetition, the repetition, the repetition, the repetition, the repetition
13. Beware: when it comes to rhyming it’s all about timing.
14. The poem that spends too much time in a field of flowers, or in any proximity to a rosebush, especially a beautiful rosebush that also contains thorns.
15. When it comes to list poems, you’re on thin ice. So just watch yourself.