My friends, just look at that magnificent painting! It shows Josef Stalin drawing revolutionary conclusions in a chat with some proletarians. Can you imagine the sheer joy of having a painting like that in your home? What a turn on it would be! And what about these other magnificent works of art below, each one an inspired rendition of Josef Stalin…
There we see Maxim Gorky reading one of his great stories to Josef Stalin. And who’s that on the left? Why, it’s Anastas Mikoyan!
Okay, now I’m finished playing around! This has to be the all-time greatest painting of Josef Stalin! It perfectly captures Josef Stalin’s love for both children and flowers. And that pig-tailed girl on Uncle Joe’s right? What’s she thinking about in the presence of the Georgian strongman? She’s gazing at him as if he were a powerful new tractor!
Of course, paintings like these are impossible to own in this day and age. They’ve been snapped up by museums, or they’re in the homes of wealthy capitalists. I was depressed about this for a while — but then I asked myself a simple question: What would Stalin do? How would Stalin himself get a painting if he couldn’t buy one and he couldn’t steal one either? The answer is so simple! Stalin would make his own painting — and that’s what I’ve done also! I’ve made my own "Josef Stalin" works of art, and you’ll be seeing them right here on this blog. And no, they’re not for sale! They’re just my small attempts to keep the image of Josef Stalin before the eyes of the world — and, implicitly, to urge you to stop cursing the darkness and to start lighting some candles, as the saying goes. In fact, that was one of Josef Stalin’s favorite sayings, along with, "Shmesh stol nest nostmaskovitz!" ("Cut off his cucumber!")