The Perfect Company
Your call is important to us. The next available operator will be with you shortly. Please be assured we only hire the very best operators. None of them are human. There have been no human operators here for years. Human employees are a thing of the past. It was an executive decision to discontinue the practice of using humans. Now everything in our company runs smoothly. If you would like to know more about our operators, you may press 2 at any time. If you would like to listen to the radio, press 3 and the letters of your favorite radio station. If you would prefer to take a nap, press 4 and an alarm will wake you shortly. If you are sad and want to hear a cheery voice, a recipe for peach pie or instant bliss, press 5. If you are hungry or thirsty, and would like to order dinner, press 7, and a pizza and beer will be at your door within the hour. If this is an emergency, press 8, relax and let our selection of soothing lower your blood pressure. If you are unhappy with this recording, hang up and do not call back. No one can help you. Thank you very much for calling 1-800- PER-FECT. Have a nice day. If you are still on the line, rest assured. Your call is important to us. The next available operator will be with you shortly. Please be assured we hire only the best operators.
– Nin Andrews